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HEY, COACH, DON'T CALL ME A QUEER!
(c) 1997 Greene/Finetti Best of Breed Music (ASCAP) Right Sum Music (BMI)
All Rights Reserved.  Used by Permission.
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In the morning the grass is so inviting
Makes you wanna toss a coin and start a game
But there's a fellow yelling, "Drop and give me fifty"
Is it too much trouble to remember my name

I admit it -  I'm uncoordinated
Kinda stumble and run on two left feet
But I'm a person of more than one dimension
A poet and a lover not an athlete

Hey, Coach, don't call me a queer!
Hey, Coach, don't call me a queer!

I can sing the entire score from Jaques Brel
I can hack into a database in "C"
But I'll never run a mile in half an hour
It  doesn't mean you're better than me

You got trouble with friendly competition
Let a little bit of power go to your head
When the team is winning games you're Mr Charming
Get a run behind watch your face turn red

Hey, Coach, don't call me a queer!
Hey, Coach, don't call me a queer!

My sexuality is not the issue
Calling me names won't make me want to play
Abusive motivation's overrated
How do you know that I'm not gay?

Hey, Coach, don't call me a queer!
Hey, Coach, don't call me a queer!

Now I'm a father and an orthopedic surgeon
My youngest kid is in his high school freshman year
So I go to pick him up at soccer practice
When I hear his coach yelling into his ear

I never wanted to send my kid to boot camp
I only wanted to build his motor skill
But his coach is a marine corps drill instructor
Training all of his troops the way to kill.

Hey, Coach, don't call me a queer!
Hey, Coach, don't call me a queer!

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