Chapter
FourChapter
Four
DATELINE: August 19, 1998 -Harrisonburg, Virginia
It's
morning drive time at WBHB (their slogan: The BOB. Is the letter H pronounced
like an O in some states? Is this a Smoky Mountains regional thing?) and the
Bobs pretty much take over the show. The D.J.s cringe in fear after doing the
local weather when Joe Bob breaks into "Feelings" while the rest of us crack
each other up competing for air time. We note that Harrisonburg is the "poultry
capital of the world," an appropriate setting for our "Ain't Nobody Here But
Us Chickens" cover. We premiere Richard's arrangement of the They Might Be Giants
tune Dinner Bell at our show at the Rockingham Theatre (a great new venue downtown!)
after which I confess my secret evil thrill in performing something that's new
to everyone in the group - as opposed to everything I sing - the entire Bobs
oeuvre being new to just ME! (Bwah-hah-hah!!!) During this show Joe Bob pairs
his trademark silver glitter shirt with polyester mustard pants, creating a
fashion statement that begs for forgiveness in several languages.
CHONG: Those two NETFOBS guys who drove 4 hours from Morgantown, WV to see us!
DATELINE: August 20-23, 1998 -Warrenton, Winchester, Leesburg & Fredericksburg, Virginia
We're part of the Bluemont Concert Series - outdoor concerts in historic downtowns in Northern Virginia. In a display of utmost coolness (much needed as it's 95 degrees with 100% humidity and we're discovering new sweat glands) we are given housing at the Airlie Center by former head of Bluemont/current head of Airlie, Doug Larson. Airlie, according to the brochures, is "an island of thought" - this sentence itself prompts much mental speculation among the Bobs, but oddly enough not many actual ideas. However, many political conferences are held here, we're told, so it must be true. The campus is gorgeous - like a British estate with its low stone walls, rolling hills and picturesque ponds. We exploit the serenity in a series of goofy photos in the gardens and the pool (thanks to Austin's Lounge Lizards, who were also doing concerts there). Especially amusing: Matthew and Richard set their cameras on "self-timer" for shots of us "romping in the woods like fairies." (Note to self: A college education has no relevance in the real world.)
Other notable events: One night in his study, Doug Larson regales us with tales of his Peace Corps stint in the Philippines eating dog meat as we chomp recklessly on crackers and the best, stinkiest Stilton cheese in the world.
We terrify Washington Post reporter/ good sport Susan Saulny riding to an outreach gig at Camp Fantastic in Front Royal, VA. Trapped between me and Joe in the backseat, Susan bravely endures our Donny & Marie routine, a rehearsal of Kurt Weill's Alabama Song we're working on, and Richard's disco-driving through hilly farmland while trying to sing sideways so we can all hear him. (The show is wonderful - special thanks to Roger for his cover song suggestions. You rule, dude!)
Richard hikes for miles around the Airlie campus on a day off, stopping for some water in the grand "Manor House." To his dismay, he's confronted by a gentleman in the livingroom who asks what the hell he's doing there. Apparently it's a private residence!!!! D O H!!! At a Shoney's breakfast bar (Note to self: in the future try not to pay more than $5 for bad food) Matthew offers Joe $50 if he will eat the entire bottle of ketchup. Richard doubles the offer. Did he do it? YOU DECIDE!!!
CHONG: Doug Larson, for his wonderful hospitality, and the cheese to end all cheeses.
DATELINE: August 24-25, 1998 -Houston, Texas
Matthew christens our current tour as "THTHT" as it's approaching the 100 degree mark with no rain in sight. But....The Mucky Duck is The Chong of Celtic clubs! We play 2 packed shows amongst the finest ales, ciders and meads of the UK, and Belgium on draught - not to mention one of the coolest audiences of the tour, including local vocal group "The Logorhythms," who declined to sing for us but did provide the hypotenuse for Joe Bob's brown triangle-permeated polyester shirt. One of the coolest parts of the Duck is the back wall, with painted-on bookshelves and volumes of literary masterpieces on them with titles like "Witness for the Persecution" and "How to Paint So It Looks Like Brick." We premiere Mopping with Matthew doing Gunnar's lead in honor of Hurricane Bonnie, and our "choreography" gets a big guffaw. We sign the wall behind the stage after the show and hang out talking to The Logs, a fan who changed his vacation plans and flew from Detroit to see us, and someone I went to grammar school with back in NJ! Wacky!
CHONG: Rusty the promoter and his staff, who served up a wonderful fish & chips dinner with a "Welsh Rarebit" - baked cheddar cheese with bacon served with dipping bread...Y U M!!!!
DATELINE: August 26-27, 1998 -Austin, Texas
Conrad
(plus wife Julia and spunky kids Olivia, Eva and Eric) and Hank from the Lounge
Lizards take us "colon clogging." Alarmed that this may involve Dutch dancing,
I do leg stretches in the car on the way to Lockhart, the BBQ Capital of Texas!
Conrad & company escort us through a vegetarian's nightmare at Kreuz's, a haven
of beef, pork and eating with your bare hands. Thankfully, cannibalism is avoided
as there are no lizards on the menu. We chow down mercilessly on what will surely
be the day's ONLY meal surrounded by pictures of prize-winning heifers...THANKS,
LIZARDS!!!! Our two shows at the Cactus Cafe on the campus of UT are smashing.
Thanks to Schrodinger's Cat (a.k.a. The Spice Boys?) for opening for us the second
night. If you're in Austin, check out this local a capella all-male wunder-group.
What undershirts - uh...I mean...harmonies!!!!
CHONGS: Sylvia Hysong and Michael Oelke, who saw us in Houston AND Austin.
DATELINE: August 28-29, 1998 -Tucson, Arizona
As
we fly to Tucson from Austin, I point out to Richard that we will miraculously
arrive 15 minutes after we left despite 2.5 hours traveling. AE: How can this
be explained? RG: You're there now. Tucson is at first humid as hell but cool
and merciful thunderstorms in the late afternoon solve that problem. During
our radio spot on Tucson's KXIC we troll for a free dinner, offering a mini-concert
to any restaurant who'll feed us that night... and end up at The Grill on Congress
for, among other items, "yummy" apple soup, chicken, scrambled eggs & chives
and a Big Bowl of Cap'n Crunch (OK - that was me. It was on the menu! How could
I not get it?!) Matthew and I tear through the 4th Avenue section of town where
we nab some inexpensive/way cool vintage clothing. We also indulge in the culinary
charms of La Poca Cosa at the bottom of the Clarion Inn Downtown - chicken in
mole sauce, sweet-corn tamale pie with poblano sauce, spicy pescado and huge
salads add up to one of the most amazing Mexican meals we've ever had. At dinner,
a sunburned Lobster Joe (having experienced the major inadequacies of the Tucson
bus system, he was stranded 8 miles outside of town in search of a swap meet!)
makes the huge mistake of eating a chili pepper. As smoke pours from his ears,
we discuss the mechanics of steam-powered engines.
CHONG: Bair, our James-Spader sound-alike pal from KXIC. Need I say more?
DATELINE: August 30 - September 1, 1998 -Berkeley/Davis, California
A nightmarish
delay in the Phoenix airport - our plane is removed from service because someone
stuck a "foreign object" in the toilet (note to self: don't flush toasters anymore).
Joe gets tanked on Tanqueray (I suspect still feeling the pain of sunburn),
we scam Pizza Hut with our "free meals up to $6.50" coupons (consolation prizes
from America West for the delay...ha!) and watch our day off in Berkeley slowly
slip from our grasp...but there is much rejoicing when we land in SF - it's
62 degrees!!! Matthew, Richard and I yuk it up at KFPA radio that night in Berkeley
as DJ Dean Suzuki plays cuts from a Bobs album I've never heard - a jazz project
with German composer Klaus Koenig. And once again I learn more about the Bobs
shady past as Dean questions RG and MS! The next morning I meet with stylist
Carl Ruhfer and our photographer, Kate Kline May to be...well..."styled." Kate
has a 40's-esque vision for our upcoming photo shoot and they proceed to transform
me into a Louise Brooks clone - serious makeup, hair (a bob for Amy Bob!), etc.
Kinda cool to be so glam (especially for someone like me who only wears makeup
onstage)!!! I head over to our interview with the East Bay Express at Richard's
house and the guys drop their jaws at my new model-like look (at which point
I decide it works)!
We drive up to Davis for the show and I hide behind Joe at In and Out Burger for fear of mockery - the millipedes on my eyes (fake eyelashes, dontcha know) feel funky... Back into the fray of THTHT - Davis is a thick 90 degrees and it's another outdoor sauna-thon. We rock the lawn as the closing show for the Davis Summer Music festival and the Davidson Family a cappella group sings for us afterwards. Quite impressive! Back at the hotel in Berkeley - the same one from my first weekend with The Bobs, I flip through the last 4 months in my mind... eating breakfast - the weirdish but addictive poached eggs with vinegar and basil across the street at Cafe Fanny I recall how nervous I was the last time I stayed here - it seems so far away (it's been about 35 shows, I guess)...many songs and many Chongs ago. Onward and upward! Until the next tour......keep a Chong in your heart, friends!
AHH,
RELIEF!
©1998 Amy Engelhardt (text) , Richard Greene (page)