Said comment was that my travelogues always seem to revolve around food in some way.
As I am writing this AFTER having composed the following account of our November tours, I realize it's a pretty accurate statement.
I offer this defense: when you're away from home a lot, three things are paramount to having a good time: a good, hard bed, fun company, and plentiful and interesting grub.
Oh, and the Weather Channel, but that's another story.
Dateline: November 1, 2000 -- Dough, and various other nuts -- BWI/NJ/Philly
A quick breakfast at Bob Evans on the way to the next motel in NJ, then cellphone madness (how come everything breaks down as soon as we're on the road and not easily
accessible?!) ensues.
Thankfully, the motel is Dunkin Donuts adjacent (those of
you who have read my travel journals already know I have no patience for the
Evil Krispy Kreme owing to a superior upbringing in the Garden State...more on this later).
At the Tin Angel, we are greeted upon arrival by a huge penis.
I'm serious.
A generous woman who owns Eroticakes in Philadelphia is a huge Bobs fan, apparently!
Never having seen them live, I become an instant fan of DVN.
Their "Title of the Song" homage to boy band power ballads is amazing... as is their whole set.
Joe Bob forgets all of the words to "Particle Man" and "White Room," coining the first in-joke of the trip, "Goodbye, windows!"
Dateline: November 2, 2000 --NJ/MD/Alexandria, VA
Our fun show at The Birchmere yields a double-request combo platter --
"Snarling Doggie" and "Dinnerbell", which we do simultaneously, which although
Dateline: November 3, 2000 -- Navel/Naval Academies -- Alexandria/Annapolis
Nothing sets the intestinal tone for the day like an early lunch at
Hard Times Cafe, The Bobs' favorite chili spot in Old Town Alexandria.
Fred Parker, the proprietor, is a long-time Bobs fan (and Richard's former bandmate), who, after a stunning (as in "I can't move now")
Rykodisc artist Jess Klein opens for us at a
packed show at the Ram's Head in Annapolis (great set, Jess!).
The rowdy, two-encore-demanding crowd eats up "Earl" and assorted other new tunes, and Joe, in his spiffy powder blue tux, narrowly avoids getting
asked out for Navy Homecoming Night ("Hi, sailor!").
Dateline: November 4, 2000 -- Stew You! -- Richmond, VA
At last we meet!
Our fabu new agent, Pamela, is waiting for us in downtown Richmond at the International
Brunswick Stew Festival (laugh not, ye Yankees, until you've tried it).
Hugs ensue.
Back at the hotel later, Pamela convinces the restaurant staff to heat up my stewvenir, then
demands 10%.
Dateline: November 5, 2000 -- Almost Heaven, West Virginia
I'm looking at the calendar -- it's just not possible I'll be on a plane from Frankfurt to LA two weeks from now!
After a yummy truckstop breakfast (you pretty much can't go wrong at those) we're headed for Martinsburg, WV.
A state postcard search ensues (I collect the goofy ones with the highway maps on 'em -- if any of
youse has Delaware, Mississippi or Vermont, please send me one!!!) at WalMart (a success).
It's turning cold here -- there's another thing I miss about the East Coast -- the smell of the turn of a season.
Hell, I'm sad just thinking about it now, sitting here in LA where I wore gym shorts and a tank top to do errands today.
You think I'm kidding, but I hate this climate!
The big poker match is held at Ollie's in Inwood, WV.
A be-Stetsoned Matthew lives up to the legend and leaves with pockets full of change -- turns out it's a nickel and dime game!
We head back to the hotel around 2 am, exhausted.
No show tomorrow, thank goodness!
Dateline: November 6-7, 2000 -- Alexandria Again (mit out chili)
Up too early for a group, pass-the-phone taped interview with
Minnesota Public Radio, held in Matthew's room.
Last month we recorded a re-lyric-ed version of "Cowboy Lips" for their pledge drive, which was a huge hit!
Richard heads off to see his family in VA while we make Pamela attend Internet Madness at the local library once we get back to Alexandria.
Matthew and I continue to face off about the whole Dunkin Donuts (DD)/Krispy Kreme (KK)
You + KK = YouKK (evil noise)
You + DD = YouDD (no actual meaning but Marble Frosted happiness is implied)
I UPS home a box of stuff (shedding for impending Europe schlepping) at Staples, where the word
processors in the office machine aisle spell out not-so-cryptic messages (the one conveniently located in
front of Joe said "Amy is a aligator and dum") as Pamela tells us of her job long ago as a Census Worker.
Did you know it's a crime to not fill out the census form?
(Not counting legal votes, however, seems to be A-OK behavior.)
I finally get to watch some Sex and the City episodes and am kind of underwhelmed...
I love Sarah Jessica Parker (even though she was "Annie" and I wasn't) and Kim Cattrall ("Mee-yow!!!"
Joe Bob says) but the jury's still out with me...
The next morning I drop Pamela at National, mail my serial postcard to my brother (that's another story) and
a card to Alex , then go for coffee with Matthew, who makes a grave error in judgment by pulling into the KK lot.
He then goes INSIDE and emerges with a bag of treats for himself.
This traitorous act would've
been forgivable if not for the deeply disturbed dance he then proceeded to perform from the entrance all the
way to the rental car.
This display of complete ridiculousness was witnessed by several others in the area who fled in fear for their lives.
NEED I SAY MORE?!?!?!?
DOUGHNUTS OF HATE, I TELL YOU!!!
Attempts to lunch with Da Vinci's dudes and/or my pal Christy Crowl
(whose debut CD was just released and is AWESOME -- check it out!) go south and we head to Dull-Ass Airport, where
we await the big bird to Frankfurt.
We muse that by the time we land, the election will be over.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
To follow The Bobs to Europe, go here.
©2001 Amy Engelhardt (text), Alex
Stein (page)
Moments ago I hugged Alex goodbye in Fort Lauderdale, where we'd been visiting
my relatives for the weekend.
So it feels completely unreal to wake up in a Motel 6 near BWI surrounded by Bobs on November 1!
We speak of our absentee ballots -- I offer that I voted for Al Gore.
Richard says he voted for Igor, a joke so stupid I'm still laughing.
Ironically, Da Vinci's Notebook, who opens for us (thanks for the T-shirt, Richard!), bought us a
smaller (er, I mean...more....compact) version in celebration of "She Made Me Name You Earl," a tune DVN's
Paul Sabourin co-wrote with Richard Bob on
our new CD, COASTER.
I'd tell you that size doesn't matter, but you'd know I was lying --
it's a very important quality in dessert items!
Diners.
That's one thing I seriously miss about the East Coast.
Out in LA you'll find a handful... usually they have a 50's theme for some reason.
So I scan the NY Times over breakfast (aaahhhhh....) reading about the nightlife in Reykjavik, Iceland, a place Alex and I dream of going someday.
The I-95 Starbucks/Maryland Welcome Center is christened "home away from home" as we stop there
for the millionth time on the way to Alexandria.
it sounds amusing is probably better in theory.
Fans bring us cakes and key lime pie, continuing the tour's dessert theme; the set
list is swiped by someone who plans to sell it at a Reston Chorale Auction.
Several people ask me about "Fluffy's Master Plan for World Domination," one of my tunes on COASTER...
my evil feline master will only
allow me to say it's based on a true story!
meal brings us to his place for a special treat.
Fred made a "time machine" out of various household appliances as part of a haunted house
for the neighborhood kids at Halloween.
Joe, Richard and I crack up as we are sent hurtling realistically
through the ripples of time and emerge sometime late in the year 2000 somewhere near Washington, DC.
Despite the notorious stew cookoff (the purpose of the celebration) there is in fact
no stew left by the time we arrive.
(Miraculously, some is procured later under a cloud of suspicion.)
We'd already recorded my re-lyric-ed version of "Come Together" for the festival:
("Pluck the feathers, add cow -- Brunswick Me!") and now perform it in our set on a stage next
to.... the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile.
Needless to say, the presence of said hot dog on wheels is a dream come true for more than one Bob.
As honorary judges for the Rubber Chicken Makeover Contest, we name "Hen-i-bal Lecter" the winner.
(Inspired by the filming of the sequel to "Silence of the Lambs" in Richmond, the "artist" eventually has his creation signed by Anthony Hopkins
later in the week.)
Larry and Andy and the Mountain Stage gang know the Bobs from way back -- there's talk of Matthew
beating the crap out of everyone in a running poker game after the show.
Mountain Stage is a West Virginia Public Radio live concert show, syndicated by NPR stations
much like E-Town or West Coast Live.
Other guests include Australian country sensation Kacey Chambers
and singer/songwriter Sarah Harmer, two very different but equally mesmerizing artists.
We sneak out for amazing frozen custard at a little shack around the corner after soundcheck,
and return, teeth chattering, to do "Earl" in our set even though we know it will be cut for broadcast!
The whole roster joins the house band for "It Ain't Me Babe" under the closing credits.
Evil Empire
issue, during which
I accuse him of abandoning -- no, worse -- DENYING his
New Jersey roots
(stop saying you're from Columbus, Ohio, dogboy -- we all know Ridgewood and Route 17 were your stomping grounds!)
by even ENTERING a KK (hmmmm....just one K away from true evil...coincidence, I THINK NOT!!!).
Here's a simple equation that even an Ohioan will understand:
